Suffer. That word is beautiful to me. It describes sum kinda pain inside that I can't describe w just my wordz.
suf·fer·ing-noun-the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship.
I never rlly apply the word to myself. I don't even feel real. But I guess yeah.
That's what I'm doing in this tragic existence. Suffering.

I'm tired. I mostly get enough sleep but still. It's this bone deep exhaustion that every1 can see.
That's fucking frustrating. Literally everyone can see I'm fucking falling apart. They just don't care. I mean 4 realz.
I guess I don't mean anything 2 these ppl after all. Coolio I gu3ss.
I don't even rlly know what I did to deserve the shit that I keep getting. It feels like lyfe is always gonna be this way.
It probably always is gonna b this way.

U kno,,,I can’t even tell u how many times I’ve told my mom I was suicidal. Fuck, like 2 dayz ago I told
her she should have aborted me. But she doesn’t care. Always brushes it off and drops the subject.
But ohhhh fuckin nooooo when one of her friends needs help, she’ll drop everything to help them. I guess I’m a ghost here? Nothing I do or say matters at all?

02/10/2021