the journals of d00m3dang3l

I hate this family. I honestly don't know how much more I can take living with them. We're all stuck in this fucking house; we have literally nowhere else to go. But instead of trying to make the best of this shit, they just yell and fight and break shit.
Good fucking god
I'm starting to understand the Menendez brothers more and more lol.
This sucks.
I might legit move in w one of my friends.

02/24/2021

I think it’s funny that all of my tragic 20 years in this hellscape can be defined by a single NIN song…Every day is exactly the same. There is no love here and there is no pain. Every day is exactly the same
even before the bullshit pandemic. Even in college. Every single fucking day morphs into one giant one. It’s almost as if nothing’s real anymore. Time’s so fucky in this dimension.

02/22/2021

I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. I DON’T BELONG HERE

someone please get me out of here

02/17/2021

Suffer. That word is beautiful to me. It describes sum kinda pain inside that I can't describe w just my wordz. suf·fer·ing-noun-the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship. I never rlly apply the word to myself. I don't even feel real. But I guess yeah. That's what I'm doing in this tragic existence. Suffering.

I'm tired. I mostly get enough sleep but still. It's this bone deep exhaustion that every1 can see. That's fucking frustrating. Literally everyone can see I'm fucking falling apart. They just don't care. I mean 4 realz. I guess I don't mean anything 2 these ppl after all. Coolio I gu3ss. I don't even rlly know what I did to deserve the shit that I keep getting. It feels like lyfe is always gonna be this way. It probably always is gonna b this way.

U kno,,,I can’t even tell u how many times I’ve told my mom I was suicidal. Fuck, like 2 dayz ago I told her she should have aborted me. But she doesn’t care. Always brushes it off and drops the subject. But ohhhh fuckin nooooo when one of her friends needs help, she’ll drop everything to help them. I guess I’m a ghost here? Nothing I do or say matters at all?

02/10/2021

I RLLY H8 ONLINE SKOOL. IT’S A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME AND $$$. FUCK MAN. JUST LET ME GO BACK TO CLASS ALREADY. ALSO,,,, IF THE RAMMSTEIN AND MCR CONCERTS GET CANCELLED, THAT’S IT. I’M GOIN FULL JOKER. IDK I guess I'm just rlly tired of constantly sitting behind my computer. I literally have no time between work and school combined. I havent even played DOOM in weeks :,(. I really miss da normal shiz in lyfe. Like going to the movies w E or goin bowling or roadtrips n all that. N tbh I rlly don't see an end in sight for this fuckery. This is just the rest of my life I guess. If ever I needed a more depressing thot.

I've been listening to a lot of MM lately LOL even tho he's been excommunicated from the goth/emo/social reject world. The Nobodies is really a huge fucking mood rn. I've always kinda loved that song. As a certified Social Reject™ that song has all the right vibez.

My ED is kicking my ass too latley. I feel like I've gained in all the wrong places (is there ever a right place to gain LOL) so naturally, I've been watching To The Bone non stop and listening to ElysianSoul's discography. IDK winter (Jan thru March ish) have always been suuuuuper hard months for me. N then coupled with this COVID shit. A literal perfect fuckin storm.

It's almost 3pm here n I'm TIRED LOL. I work at 3 tomorrow cause of the fuckin superbowl, which I couldn't give less of a shit about. I JUST WANNA GO TO SLEEP!!!!

02/06/2021

I’m so tired and sad. I’ve stopped seeing a point tbh. I just cry everyday, do homework, and wait for all this shit to be over. Hopefully it is soon. I’m done.

01/27/2021

People are absolute fucking SHEEP lolz. Having to go to Costco and shop around...it’s literally hell. People are so fucking stupid. Anywho,,,I’m currently doing research on Dahmer. It’s really fucking cool. I grew up like him, and I’m gay?! Poggers lmaooo. I guess this is my first entry here. So heyo every1. All my socials r linked in the “links” tab n my AOL is d00m3dang3l@aol.com. Y’all can talk 2 me any time lolz I’m online this upcoming semester,,,which reminds me. Fuck. School literally starts tomorrow. Fuckin rough. My BFF is taking off this semester, n i’m literally soooo jealous kfhkwdh. Eh I got my 183 usd vintage NIN Downward Spiral shirt today. It looks so cool. Really makes me feel closer to VoDkA. Peaceful and calm.

01/18/2021